Three levels of discord exist within mother-child relationships – conflict, wounding, and trauma.
Conflicts are a normal and healthy part of any relationship, including relationships between a mother and her daughter or son. While ultimately causing the pair to grow closer as a unit, conflicts present an opportunity for a mother-child dyad to:
identify, explore, and appreciate their differences,
collaborate to discover mutually beneficial solutions, and
strive to make the relationship a more inclusive space for both parties
Although a conflict would arise if a mother and her daughter or son had a difference in perspective about how emotions should be expressed or need to be attended to, a mother wound would only begin to form if the mother, for whatever reason, failed to take advantage of the opportunity to take care of her child’s feelings in the midst of their lack of agreement. Seeing things differently yet still responding from a space of support (providing her child what they need, not what she feels inclined to give) is the mark of an emotionally intelligent and attuned mother.
Conversely, wounds are formed when mothers overlook, dismiss, or inconsistently attend to their child's emotional needs.
There are a number of reasons a mother may not regularly center her child’s emotional wellbeing, some more absolvable than others, but regardless of the cause or its excusability, mother wounds create deep voids that make children question themselves and struggle to connect with others. This can result in children turning to dangerous people, places, and things to attract attention and to feel valued, important, and cared for.
While some children intentionally seek feeling in the form of pain to soothe their mother wound, many others do not need to do anything but exist as a daughter or son to experience hurt. These children are persistently depersonalized and injured by their mother and find themselves victim to unthinkably malicious interpersonal offenses and crimes, at her hands. Living with a condition referred to as mother-daughter/son trauma, they often experience stagnation, difficulty, or destruction across multiple dimensions of life and go on to recreate cycles of abuse and trauma in their relationships with their children.
Did you know that Dr. Dylesia developed a clinical tool to assess for mother-daughter/son conflict, wounding, and trauma? And that you can use your rating to receive customized treatment recommendations and therapy? Start the journey toward leveling into your thriving era by completing the Mother-Daughter/Son Conflict, Wounding, & Trauma (CWT) Scale self-assessment here!
Comments